Katie Cunningham | Presented by Movember
This article discusses themes of suicide, which may be distressing for some readers. If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek help from a mental health professional or contact a crisis support service. In Australia, you can call Lifeline at 13 11 14 for 24/7 support.
The 2014 footy season should have been the pinnacle of Tom Boyd’s young career.
At just 18, he had moved to Sydney to join the Greater Western Sydney Giants, stepping into the limelight with immense promise. Yet, behind the scenes, Boyd was leading two different lives, grappling with profound personal struggles away from the public eye.
“I started having issues with sleep – staring at the ceiling, thinking about tomorrow’s problems, next week’s problems, problems I was probably never gonna have to deal with anyway, and just being completely unable to rest,” he recalls. “I just remember being extremely exhausted throughout that first period of time at the Giants.”
Boyd also began experiencing “what I would describe at the time as being incredibly nervous all the time… and the problem was that there was nothing to be nervous about.”
The young footy star was battling symptoms of anxiety – but didn’t realise it at the time.
“I mean, we didn’t talk about mental health when I was at school,” Boyd says. “It wasn’t a topic that you understood or were educated on.”
So he pressed on. Believing he was just “homesick”, in a monumental moment in the world of AFL, Boyd got traded to the Western Bulldogs and was able to move back to his hometown of Melbourne. Professionally, things were going great. Personally, it was getting worse.
“I played the premiership in 2016, everything on the field looked amazing, I was getting paid $1 million a year. And yet, I really wasn’t sleeping before games. I was extraordinarily anxious. I was having issues with panic attacks and depression. And I was miserable, for large portions of that two year stretch with the Bulldogs.”
It wasn’t until 2017 that Boyd began to properly confront his anxiety issues – three years after they began.
The broader picture
Boyd’s story isn’t an unusual one. Movember’s Real Face of Men’s Health report found that men are less likely than women to ask for help in a timely manner when they need it, and when they do, the health system does not always respond to their needs. Almost one third of Aussie men are confused or overwhelmed by current health information, and 50 per cent believe it’s normal to ignore regular checkups.
The results of that healthcare gap can be catastrophic – suicide is the leading cause of death among men aged 15-44 years, with Australian men three times more likely to die by suicide than women.
Boyd thinks part of what stopped him from seeking help for so long was that he felt “guilty” asking others to listen to him when he had, on paper, so much to be grateful for. His mental health struggles also weren’t “a precipitous fall and slide”.
Additionally, Movember’s report reveals that 63 per cent of men have faced harmful gender stereotypes in their interactions with the health system, such as the expectation that men should ‘tough it out’.
It’s important to recognise that mental health is a journey, often filled with ups and downs, as Boyd reflects: “Like anything, I had a good month here. And then I was like, oh, it’s all fixed, we’ll be okay, I can ignore it, forget about it. And then it came back, and it’d be worse. So, I never really sat down and was like, there’s something going on specifically that I need to deal with.”
Navigating a new normal
After taking a break from the game in 2017, in 2019 Boyd retired from footy for good, realising the pressures of the game weren’t the best thing for him.
“I completely based my entire life’s validation and who I was on football, and how I performed in my work. I listened to people telling me that I was a useless, horrible, terrible person, yelling at me down the street… and completely rode the wave of what is an inherently volatile industry.”
After retirement, he spent more time with his friends and family, began seeing a psychologist and built a much more balanced life. In time, his sleep returned, and he started to feel more like himself.
The footy star and official Movember Ambassador now works as a mental health advocate and keynote speaker. Through his own experience and his work in the mental health space, Boyd has learned how pervasive struggles like the ones he faced are.
“I think there was this concept of mental health that was, it only happens to these particular people. Like it happens to people who are in high pressure situations, or it happens to people who are struggling financially, or it happens in regional towns or whatever. Like, it’s not happening next to me, it’s happening over there,” he says.
“I’ve spoken to every possible segment of society, from the smallest country towns to the biggest C-suites in Australia, and the stories are identical everywhere: these build up issues that get neglected or ignored or avoided and then become incredibly disruptive.”
Boyd’s advice is not to delay seeking help, because “small problems are much quicker to fix than big ones”. And while there’s no one-size-fits-all cure for depression or anxiety, finding a doctor or psychologist you can trust helps immensely.
“There are people who understand and can help you,” Boyd says. “You don’t have to do it all on your own.”
Movember’s Men’s Health Report reminds us that we need to address the state of men’s mental health. Men’s health doesn’t just affect men. It starts with men, and then ripples through families, workplaces and communities – even health systems and economies feel it. That means we’ve all got an experience around men’s health that needs to be shared.
Do you have a story? Your experience matters. Join Movember and advocate for men’s health – share your story today.
If you or someone you know needs support, head to Movember for access to mental health support services and information.
